Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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