i would punch a child for taco bell
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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