i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
