I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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