i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
