i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
