I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
