Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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