the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
