The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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