she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
