He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
