i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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