I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize