I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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