She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
