i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
People in love make me want to vomit
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
