so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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