either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
