I am puke
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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