are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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