how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
