dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
