the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Boobs speak an international language.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
