i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
