Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
