I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
