I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
