walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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