but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
