i don't like sucking hair
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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