I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
