I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
