I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
