I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
