he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
