You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
