life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
