I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
