So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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