I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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