you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
