I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
