Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
