loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
