and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize