You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
