All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
