some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
