as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
