yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
