Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
