you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
