you would pick up someone in the library
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
