we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
