My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
