I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
