I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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