Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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