i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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