yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
