May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
