Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
