you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize