i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
