and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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