reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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