They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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