It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
