I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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