Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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