I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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