Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
