LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize