I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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