Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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